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Goon.

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Dedicate your life to handpump.
Sexuality is beautiful.
Porn is pumping you full of estrogen.
Porn? You think it's a gateway drug?
Stimulate.
It's OK to be boob-brained.
"Does Pumpy need relief?"
Life is short so just cheat.
Encourage him to cheat.
"I don't know babe...I guess they bring out the best in me..."
"I don't know babe...he makes it easy to cum..."
"I don't know babe...my body just acts on instinct when I'm with him..."